Hard Lessons

Well, it's been another hard week. I can't wait to write that it's been an easy week. I have 3 more weeks until I go back to work at least part time, so I really needed to start getting Tennysen on a routine. Yesterday afternoon, I got up the nerve to put her in her crib for a nap.

Up until yesterday, I would hold her or put her in her swing and let her sleep. She did not like being in her crib, and that was so hard for me. I needed her to sleep though because she was so exhausted. She had been fussy all morning and hadn't slept much--rocking her hadn't helped, her swing that ALWAYS works wasn't working, she wasn't hungry, her diaper wasn't dirty, she wasn't running a temperature...I was out of ideas, so it was time to start teaching her how to put herself to sleep. By the way, I had this same kind of day on Tuesday and I felt like I was losing my mind. Something had to give.

She stayed in her crib for 2 hours. She honestly didn't really cry that much. It was a lot of grunting and just some crying. I know from the video monitor that she did sleep some, but when it was time for her to eat again and I went in to pick her up, I just started crying. I was afraid she felt abandoned for those 2 hours alone in her crib by herself. Looking at her sweet little face, I felt so much shame!

Thank goodness for friends and family...who aren't hormonal. I had some great encouragers yesterday who talked me through it, and even though it doesn't make it easy, I know I've got to keep doing this. Good sleep is vital for my little Tennysen, and when she can't choose sleep on her own and she's fighting it, I've got to help her. Hopefully these hard lessons for mom and baby will pay off in the very near future--predictable nap times, a well-rested baby, and a sane mommy.

So she's in her crib now and she's doing great...not asleep yet, but not fussing. Hopefully it'll be a better day today. Here's our precious girl:

She loves her activity gym...for a few minutes at a time at least. 

This was after her morning feeding. She was exhausted from her tough day yesterday. Side note: She does actually wear clothes. Pictures may not often portray that. A Tennysen tidbit: She's super hot-natured, so she's often only sporting a diaper.

Jenni's birthday week

It's been an emotional week for me. My mom left on Sunday. She had been here for 3 weeks and had helped so much--she took care of me after my surgery, made breakfast for me every morning, helped a TON with Tennysen, consoled her when she cried, held her for me to take a shower, changed a ton of diapers, did laundry...the list goes on. I literally didn't know what I was going to do without her. Sunday was a sad day.

Tuesday I turned 30. I think having Tennysen as a distraction was a blessing. I was hardly aware that it was my birthday, but still, I'm no longer a twenty-something, and that's difficult to take in. I would like to be 29 forever...

Todd has been so busy this week!! His job has been pretty demanding lately, so finding the balance between work and husband and father has been challenging for him I guess, so therefore, it's been challenging for me. Thank goodness he was able to have some of Tuesday off for my birthday.

Tennysen is doing really well though. She's growing so fast. I think by the end of the week, she'll have outgrown her newborn onesies. She's so long! I guess she's tall like her daddy. She's staying awake for longer periods, so we get to see her pretty eyes a lot more. She had such a good night last night, falling asleep after every feeding instead of being wide awake from like 12am-3am. I'm starting to learn her--what her cries mean, what makes her happy...here's some of the pictures from this week.

She's so relaxed after she eats. 

Todd's family was in town this week. Here's Tennysen with her Aunt Sarah. 

Her first time on her activity gym. 

She doesn't like to burp. Here, she's trying to sleep through having to burp. 

Her cord fell off finally. We are so glad!! But does this mean she'll have an outie?

Tennysen is 2 weeks old!!

I can't believe she's 2 weeks old already. She's getting bigger, her face is changing--right before our eyes. It's happening so fast. She still has her days and nights mixed up. We aren't getting a lot of sleep at night. She sleeps tons during the day, then when night comes, she's wide awake and we get to see her eyes a lot, which are beautiful, big, and blue. When we try to put her to bed, she gets really upset...and we fight that for a few hours.

On our way to her first doctor's appointment, Tennysen started twitching. Her arms and her legs were rhythmically twitching simultaneously. It was scary. I tried to catch it on video but it had stopped before I could. It happened again when the doctor was in the exam room but her legs were covered by a blanket. The doctor asked if she had the hiccups but I told him no and explained what happened on the way to the appointment. He couldn't be sure since he couldn't actually see the movements, but he thought it was something called clonus which he said was normal and should resolve as her nervous system matures. The twitches didn't happen again until yesterday (Sunday). I was able to video it, so I emailed it to her pediatrician.

He called me today with a term for what is happening to her. It's called Benign Neonatal Sleep Myoclonus. The movements mimic a seizure, but it's not a seizure. It only happens when she's asleep, and it stops as soon as we try to rouse her. They aren't sure what causes it, but it could be genetic. It does resolve, however, anywhere between 2 weeks and 10 months--as her pathways begin to mature. The doctor reassured us that it's nothing to worry about. It doesn't mean she's not healthy and it will not interfere with her developing normally. I guess that's good news, but it was unsettling that such a diagnosis has already been placed on her. And even though I know it will go away, I still don't like seeing her twitch. I would appreciate your prayers for my fears--my anxiety is through the roof with this little girl.

On a happier note, she's still so precious. My favorite thing that she does is when she's hungry and I have her resting on my shoulder, she'll try to suck my face and it's like she's giving me a kiss. It's the cutest thing ever!!

I think I'm starting to see little glimpses of her personality. I can only see this when she's eating since every other time, she's asleep. She has a mind of her own and she wants to be in control. When she's eating, she wants to be in charge of the milk, placing it where she likes it, which is not always ok with me. Sometimes, it takes 3 or 4 adjustments for her to understand that she is not in charge of the milk. :)

Here are some of the latest pictures of our little angel.

Holding Grandma's thumb. 

She loves her swing!!

Mischa and Tennysen

Eli still has limited Tennysen access since he's still working on his gentleness techniques, while Mischa is getting more and more brave with Tennysen. She has been cautious and just needing to be where I am which is usually where Tennysen is. Now she's slowly inching closer and closer to Tennysen, wanting to smell her and occasionally give her a kiss. See if you can find her in the first picture below--she kind of blends in.

What's in a name?

Probably the number one question we get is where did Tennysen's name come from. The simple answer is that we just liked it. But there were some other things that solidified it for us. We had heard the name before for a boy, and we thought it was a great name, but we were having a girl, so we thought it was out of the question. Then I bought this really cool baby name book that had some great name lists in it. Under the Literary list was Tennyson and it was under the gender neutral list, which meant it would not be crazy to consider it as a girl's name. I got very excited because I instantly loved it. We had had a lot of trouble finding names we LOVED. I told Todd about the name and that we could just change the spelling and it could be a girl's name. He wasn't instantly impressed--I think because it was different.

Alfred, Lord Tennyson was a poet and he wrote one of my favorite poems ever--The Lady of Shalott. It's a super sad poem, but was featured in one of my favorite movies growing up, Anne of Green Gables. I've always loved the poem because even though it's sad, it's still somehow beautiful. So even though this fact is not the reason we chose the name, it did seem kind of meant to be.

The other thing we considered was the commonality of the name. With absolutely no disrespect to my parents--I think my name is pretty, but it is super common. It was number one on the name lists for a few years in a row back in the '70s and '80s. It was so common, I learned, that today, there are support groups for girls named Jennifer because they feel they don't have their own identities. While I think that's kind of crazy, it was annoying that I went all 12 years of school with another Jenny, and therefore, I was always known as Jenni D. So a different, less common name was important to us.

It took Todd until the next morning to decide he really liked the name. So once that happened, we had our name. Then for her middle name, she is named after her great aunt Meree, just as I was. And that's how her name came to be. We love it!

And here are some more pictures of our precious Tennysen.